Category Archives: bitching

Trying To Find The Will…..

One of the things I struggle with most… is exercise. Not gonna lie… my lifestyle has been pretty sedentary for… well ever. And I’ve never been particularly thin. Over the years my weight has fluctuated a fair bit. Through the beginning of high school I would have considered myself “chubby”. After a pregnancy, I was definitely overweight. In the years since I have more or less bounced back between the two points.

For the first time in years, I’m finally feeling like it’s really time to start doing something about it. But it’s SOO hard to get started. I bought a gym membership two weeks ago, and I’ve only managed to drag myself there a couple times (and by a couple times… I mean once). I don’t know what’s holding me back. Is it fear? Is it walking into the unknown, in front of people, and doing my thing? Is it trying to figure out what exactly what “my thing” is? I get up with the best intentions every day… but it’s so easy to make excuses.

And then I wonder… is it just me? Or does everyone struggle with this? Even those who work out regularly… and have been doing it for years. Is it still a battle to make yourself do it?

I’m tired of the battle and it hasn’t even really started. So discouraging.

My Neurosis

I like to think that by nature I’m not a jealous person; I’m not an anxious, or needy person. I don’t get stressed out or annoyed if I call or text someone and they don’t respond within 10 or 15 minutes… or even a few hours. I understand that people have lives, things are going on, or maybe… someone just DOESN’T want to talk to me at that particular moment (or ever… for that matter). And that’s OK! My biggest pet peeve is when someone sends me a text that says “What’s up?” and then sends me a follow up text five minutes later that simply says “??”. Fuck off already! I’ll get to you when I get to you! I’m pretty much attached to my phone when I want to be… so if I’m not answering, there’s most likely a reason. And continuing to text me shit like that… just irritates me.

Having said that… some days I feel like the internet is trying to make me neurotic! I hate Facebook and BBM and all the dumb things that tell you if someone has or hasn’t looked at the last thing you said. I hate to be that person. Suddenly I’ve been chatting with someone for a while, and they stop answering. After ten minutes, I look and think “Oh… they haven’t seen my last message.” No big deal! But then… I can’t help myself. Every ten minutes for the next hour (or two), I’m now checking to see if they’ve looked at it!

If that option was not there… I wouldn’t even be aware of it. I would move on and carry on. I might think about it once in a while… but I am definitely not a person who would send a follow-up of any sort anyway. So… why do I care so much?

It makes me want to kick my OWN ass! LOL. And whoever invented this dumb shit!

Pamela