Category Archives: life

Trying To Find The Will…..

One of the things I struggle with most… is exercise. Not gonna lie… my lifestyle has been pretty sedentary for… well ever. And I’ve never been particularly thin. Over the years my weight has fluctuated a fair bit. Through the beginning of high school I would have considered myself “chubby”. After a pregnancy, I was definitely overweight. In the years since I have more or less bounced back between the two points.

For the first time in years, I’m finally feeling like it’s really time to start doing something about it. But it’s SOO hard to get started. I bought a gym membership two weeks ago, and I’ve only managed to drag myself there a couple times (and by a couple times… I mean once). I don’t know what’s holding me back. Is it fear? Is it walking into the unknown, in front of people, and doing my thing? Is it trying to figure out what exactly what “my thing” is? I get up with the best intentions every day… but it’s so easy to make excuses.

And then I wonder… is it just me? Or does everyone struggle with this? Even those who work out regularly… and have been doing it for years. Is it still a battle to make yourself do it?

I’m tired of the battle and it hasn’t even really started. So discouraging.

My Neurosis

I like to think that by nature I’m not a jealous person; I’m not an anxious, or needy person. I don’t get stressed out or annoyed if I call or text someone and they don’t respond within 10 or 15 minutes… or even a few hours. I understand that people have lives, things are going on, or maybe… someone just DOESN’T want to talk to me at that particular moment (or ever… for that matter). And that’s OK! My biggest pet peeve is when someone sends me a text that says “What’s up?” and then sends me a follow up text five minutes later that simply says “??”. Fuck off already! I’ll get to you when I get to you! I’m pretty much attached to my phone when I want to be… so if I’m not answering, there’s most likely a reason. And continuing to text me shit like that… just irritates me.

Having said that… some days I feel like the internet is trying to make me neurotic! I hate Facebook and BBM and all the dumb things that tell you if someone has or hasn’t looked at the last thing you said. I hate to be that person. Suddenly I’ve been chatting with someone for a while, and they stop answering. After ten minutes, I look and think “Oh… they haven’t seen my last message.” No big deal! But then… I can’t help myself. Every ten minutes for the next hour (or two), I’m now checking to see if they’ve looked at it!

If that option was not there… I wouldn’t even be aware of it. I would move on and carry on. I might think about it once in a while… but I am definitely not a person who would send a follow-up of any sort anyway. So… why do I care so much?

It makes me want to kick my OWN ass! LOL. And whoever invented this dumb shit!

Pamela

Nice To Meet You

Hello. If you’ve found your way to this blog/site/whatever, let me just start by saying… I’m sorry. Just kidding!

This is something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time, but my neurosis and complete inability to make an actual decision have led me to put it off time and time again. The problem? I couldn’t decided on a “theme” or topic, if you will. And I still haven’t.

You see, when I was a youngster, I always wanted to be an author. Back in those days, I really like writing fiction. I always thought I’d grow up and write grossly graphic murder mystery novels. Pretty disturbing shit for an eight year old.

Then by the time I hit high school, I was more convinced that non-fiction semi-autobiographical was the way to go. Until I realized that my life is boring and no one gives a shit. That realization was followed by another realization. Being an writer or an author is kind of like being a singer and/or actor. Really nice idea… but very hard to do. A small percentage of people actually manage to do these things as a full time career and make a decent living.

Or at least that was my understanding, and what people seemed to try and drill into my head. I’d guess that in this age of the internet… the chances of succeeding and “being discovered” are increasing. But I’d guess it’s still not that high.

So ANYWAY… back to my lack of theme. I really like cooking; I REALLY like eating. So, I imagine this is going to contain a lot of pictures of food and recipes. I’m fairly certain though, that some of my general ramblings will find their way in here too.

Why don’t I tell you a little bit about myself? Oh? You don’t care? Well… stop reading then!

My name is Pamela. Most people call me “Pam”… but I prefer writing “Pamela” (I know, I’m weird), so I will probably refer to myself as such most of the time.

I’m from Saskatchewan (which is in CANADA… in case… well, I’ll just stop there). I’m in my mid-twenties (or late-twenties… that’s really a matter of opinion I guess). I’m recently single, and loving it. I work as an assistant to some realtors.

I really overuse “…” so, I apologize in advance. It’s a really annoying habit, but I can’t help myself. This post is me using great restraint. I also curse here and there. You will undoubtedly see some “F-bombs” in here. I don’t have the greatest filter, but I figure if I can’t be myself while hiding behind the internet then where CAN I be myself? 😀

So, enough about me. Not that you’re probably still reading anyway…
Well, internet, so long for today!


Pamela